Let’s get real: being an executive or entrepreneurial woman with ADHD can feel like running a marathon on a hamster wheel. The stakes are high, and the pressure to perform perfectly often leads to constantly 'masking' - an adaptive tactic which works to hide ADHD traits, but comes at a steep cost to your mental and emotional health.
ADHD still isn’t exactly celebrated in high-level corporate spaces, especially not for women. You’re juggling work, family, and the endless chaos of adulting while constantly asking yourself, “Why can’t I just get my sh*t together?” or "What's wrong with me?" It's exhausting!
The bad news? Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you: there’s no magic app or color-coded planner that’s going to fix it all. Did you even get more than 3 pages use out of the last five planners you bought anyway?
The good news? You don’t need magic. What you do need, the key, is: Acceptance. Of reality in any given situation, and of your behavior.
Acceptance is the foundation for managing your ADHD effectively. And I'm not suggesting giving up or throwing your hands in the air; it’s about acknowledging reality as it is - mess and all - without shame or judgment. Once you stop fighting yourself, you will stop the shame spiral, and this will free up the energy to actually make changes. To actually get things done. Here’s how to start:
1. Own Your Reality—No More BS
First: get honest. Stop pretending you’re going to magically become a morning person who meal-preps and has nothing in her inbox. If you’re the queen of last-minute panic or the “I’m going to get it (the thing I haven't done for 3 weeks) done tomorrow," own it to yourself. Back in college, I’d write every paper the night before it was due. Including research. Stressful? Yes. But when I finally admitted that this was how I operated, I stopped wasting energy on shame spirals and used that energy for things I actually cared about. I was able to be present with friends, even when the paper was due shortly, for instance, because I knew I would get it done at the last minute and get a good grade, but I was no longer out with friends anxiously spiraling, "I should be doing the paper right now." Acceptance is the ultimate productivity hack.
2. Grieve the Dream Version of You and Your Past
Here’s the part that sucks: getting to acceptance sometimes means grieving the Pinterest-perfect version of yourself that never existed. The one who’d have conquered the world if only you’d known about your ADHD sooner. It’s okay to feel sad, mad, or cheated. Let yourself grieve the “what ifs.” This isn’t wallowing; it’s processing. It's going through the grief. Once you’ve had your moment, you can focus on who you are now - flaws, brilliance, and all.
3. Redefine Success - Smaller Is Better
Say goodbye to perfectionism. Seriously, stop it. Success isn’t about crossing off your entire to-do list; it’s about crossing off one thing. Did you make the bed (and I'm talking about pulling up the covers on the way out, not about hospital corners)? Amazing. Did you send one email? Yay! ADHD brains thrive on dopamine, and celebrating the small wins gives you a hit of that sweet reward chemical. Focus on what you did get done today, not what you didn’t. Small wins add up to big progress.
4. Stop Measuring Your Worth by Your To-Do List
You don't need to be the PTO president or class mom on top of being CEO. Let someone else do that. Your value isn’t tied to how much you achieve. If you’re burning yourself out trying to “prove” you’re capable or good enough, again, stop. Now. Rest, joy, and self-compassion aren’t luxuries, they’re necessities. So the next time your inner critic starts up with the “you’re lazy” nonsense, give that little you inside a hug. Ask her what she needs right now, and then give her that. You’re doing enough, and you are enough.
5. Start Small, Win Big
Want to build a new habit? Forget grand plans. ADHD brains don’t do well with “go big or go home.” Start tiny. If you want to journal, don’t aim for a full page. Put the journal on your nightstand and pick up the pen. That’s it. The next day, maybe write one word. Build slowly. Why? Because motivation comes after action, not before. Start small, keep going.
Acceptance Isn’t Giving Up - It’s Leveling Up
When you accept your ADHD, when you accept the reality of your behavior, the reality of any given situation, you’re not throwing in the towel; you’re taking back your power. Acceptance is what lets you work with your brain, not against it. It’s the key to how you stop wasting energy, wishing you were different and start using that energy to create a life that works for you.
Here’s your challenge: What’s one truth about yourself, your behavior, your situation, which you can accept today? Start there. Accept it. Own it. And then take one small step forward. Because acceptance isn’t just the missing key to managing ADHD - it’s the secret to living a less chaotic, less anxiety filled life.
Bio: Sherri Crowley, LICSW is an ADHD coach and psychotherapist, specializing in helping high-achieving executive and entrepreneurial women navigate the challenges of ADHD and burnout. She helps clients identify bottlenecks, get honest with themselves, quiet the chaos, and create better balance so they can thrive at work and be more present at home.
Contact Sherri at Sherri@therapynewton.com and join Sherri's ADHD Women: Peak Performance Executives & Entrepreneurs community at www.facebook.com/groups/adhdwomenpeakperformance for more tips.
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